A burglar broke into a house one night. He pointed his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
“Did you say that?” He hissed at the parrot.
“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”
“Moses,” replied the bird.
“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”
“The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus.”
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the
bedroom cupboard to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in
there already.
The little boy says, “Dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a football.”
Man – “That’s nice.”
Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”
Boy – “My dad’s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”
Boy -$250″
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in
the closet together.
Boy – “Dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have football boots.”
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy – “$750”
Man – “Sold.”
A few days later, the boy’s father says to the boy, “Grab your boots and
football, let’s go outside and have a game of soccer.
The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my ball and boots.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
Boy -“$1,000.”
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to
church and make you confess.”
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that again. You’re in my closet
now”
A rancher goes to the bank to borrow money to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. The transaction is made and the banker who lent the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won’t even look at the cows. The banker suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.The next week the banker returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks very pleased: “The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor’s cows!””Wow,” says the banker, “what did the vet do to that bull?””Just gave him some pills,” replied the rancher.”What kind of pills?” asked the banker.”I don’t know, but they sort of taste like peppermint.”
So Jamie McMurray is officially out of the One after this season and he has a Ganassi ride for the Daytona 500. I hate to see him out of the series because he is one of the good guys. I hope the stories about Krazy Kurt getting the One are wrong, he belongs at SHR or on the street,although if they reopened the insane asylums that would be a great fit.
Go to a secondhand store. Buy a pair of men’s used work boots — a
really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of
“Guns and Ammo” magazine. Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dog
dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like:
“Bubba, big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition — back in ½ hr. Don’t disturb the pit bulls. They’ve just been dewormed.”
A lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Dakota. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The lawyer responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I’m one of the best trial attorneys in California and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in North Dakota. We settle small disagreements like this with the North Dakota Three Kick Rule.”
The lawyer asked, “What’s that?”
The farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth. The barrister was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old coot. Now it’s my turn.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.”
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed
he had his collar on backward. The little boy asked why he wore his collar
that way.
The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.” The little boy replied,
“My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.”
The priest looked up from his book and answered: “I am the Father of many.”
The boy said, “My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls, and two grandchildren and he
doesn’t wear his collar that way.”
The priest, getting impatient, said, “I am the Father of hundreds” and went
back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while,
then leaned over and said, “Maybe you should wear your pants backward
instead of your collar.”
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,
he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a
child’s whisper. “Hello? ”
“Is your daddy home?” he asked.
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?”
The child whispered, ” No .”
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your
Mommy there?” ” Yes .”
“May I talk with her?” Again the small voice whispered, ” No .”
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked, “Is anybody else there?”
“Yes,” whispered the child, ” a policeman “.
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss
asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”
” No, he’s busy “, whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?”
” Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through
the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
” A helicopter ” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, ” The search team just landed a
helicopter .”
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are
they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle… ” ME
Bet that was the same lady I encountered in the cow pasture next to the Golf course last week… both of us there, looking for a lost ball… I spotted a small white spot underneath one of the heifer’s tail. Upon checking closer, I realized it was not my ball, so, given she was a few yards away, politely i lift the cows tail and ask her:
“Hey Lady, Does this look like yours ?? ”
I had to go to club house to remove her 9 iron from around my neck
A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday
afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl
coming from the other direction.
“Hello” said the little boy.
“Hi” replied the little girl.
“Where are you going”? asked the little boy.
“I’ve been to church this morning and I’m on my way home”, answered
the little girl.
“Me too”, replied the little boy. “I’m also on my
way home from church”.
“Which church do you go to?” asked the little boy.
“I go to the Baptist church back down the road” replied the little
girl. “What about you?”
“I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill”, replied
the little boy.
They discover that they are both going the same way so they decided
that they’d walk together.
They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially
flooded the road so there was no way that they could get across to the
other side without getting wet.
“If I get my new Sunday dress wet my Mother is going to
skin me alive” said the little girl.
“Yeah, my Mom will tan my hide if I get my new Sunday
suit wet”, replied the little boy.
“I tell you what I think I’ll do,” said the little girl. “I’m gonna pull
off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across”.
“That’s a good idea”, replied the little boy. “I’m going to do the same
thing with my suit”.
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without
getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting
to drip dry before putting their clothes back on when the little boy
finally remarked.
“You know, I never did realize before just how much
difference there really is between a Baptist and a Methodist
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without noticing his error, sent the email to the wrong address.
Meanwhile…somewhere in Houston… a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Date: Friday, October 13, 2004
Subject: I have Arrived!
Dearest Love:
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you.Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
PS …… Sure is hot down here!!
So no practice,no qualifying,elimination race,Indy…..noted for lousy racing or lots of wrecks….do I smell catastrophe ? Why they wanted Indy to replace Richmond I do not comprehend.
f I had to venture a guess beyond the prestige of Indy I would say the greedy fools were thinking seating capacity. I wonder if the owners will let them paint the seats so it won”t look so empty.
The Xfinity race has been cancelled for today, moved to Monday.
The Cup practice is cancelled too.
The Cup race is supposed to start tomorrow at 1:00 but it won’t.
It will be rained out too. Forecast is 80% chance of rain and from another 2 to 3″ of rainfall.
I and a co-worker were thinking about going but we decided not to.
I also was watching an interview with Kez acting like he felt a bit sorry for beating Larson last week in the closing laps due to Larson having a bad pit stop. I think that he got booed and jeered by the fans for it by the ay that he talked?
We can thank NASCRAP for handing out yet more bad air guns to rig the races against the Chevy teams.
NO CLUE WHATS GOING ON HERE BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN I CANT POST TO ADD A COMMENT… JUST POSTED YOUTUBE JIMMIE BUFFETS ” IT’S FIVE O’CLOCK SOMEWHERE” I DON’T SEE IT, THE LIST IS NOT UPDATED AND DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?????,,,,, NO FUN HERE
No, you’re not a dummy!
I post on several other websites and the “s” is for “secured” http format and it also prevents the youtube URL links from posting directly on those sites too.
That’s how I found out about the problem and how to get around it.
On this site it can work with or without the “s” at different times?
Who you calling a dummy, we all have that problem at times. I didn’t know that trick Rules explained either, and although I have often been called a dummy I think it’s just that I overanalyze many things and come off as slow, except the ones where I shoot from the hip and are usually its the wrong thing to do.
A guy is 71 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the
other day when he heard a voice say, “Pick me up.”
He looked around and couldn’t see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when
he heard the voice say again, “Pick me up.” He looked in the water and
there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, “Are you talking to me?”
The frog said, “Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I’ll
turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll make sure that
all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your
bride.”
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up
carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, “What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.”
He opened! his pocket, looked at the frog and said, “Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”
Later in life, this WILL bring a grin to your face.
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School.
Usually, she slept through the class.
One day her teacher called on her while she was sleeping. “Tell me
Mary Margaret, who created the universe?”
When Mary Margaret didn’t stir, little Johnny who was her friend
sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
“God Almighty!” shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, “Very good!” and continued teaching her class.
A little later, the Nun asked Mary Margaret, “Who is our Lord and
savior?”
But Mary didn’t stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to
her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.
“Jesus Christ!!!” shouted Mary Margaret.
Again, the Nun said, “Very good!”
Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun then asked her a third question… “What did Eve say to Adam
after she had her twenty-third child?”
And once again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret
jumped up and shouted, “If you stick that damn thing in me one more
time, I’ll break it in half!”
The Nun fainted.
A MUST SEE … currently on now on FXX channel (check local listing) … I was involved behind-the-scenes with ’13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi’ …
I found this while goofing around online, knowing that there are other George Carlin fans here I thought it would be fun to post. It is early, early George Carlin but you can see the early promise in him.
It is not only Nascar. Seems like the entire Motorsport industry is lost in space….
Who will you be supporting in Formula 1 next year? Well, if you’re a fan of Fernando Alonso, Kimi Raikkonen or Esteban Ocon, you might be looking elsewhere on Sunday afternoons.
With Alonso disgruntled and heading to IndyCar, Ferrari feeling Raikkonen (despite proving he’s still got the speed) is past his prime, and Ocon plain unlucky with how the 2019 seats are being filled as the music stops, that’s some talent pool (and fan base) that could vanish from the grid next year.
Compare that with another gloomy scenario in NASCAR, where the championship-winning Cup team of last year is closing its doors due to a lack of sponsorship dollars… It all seems unthinkable, yet it’s happening.
Charles Bradley, Global Editor in Chief
motorsport.com
So many possibilities, so little time. Maybe a trip this fall Just for enough time to gain less than ten pounds, Nothing fancy some Little Italy time, the Grand CentralOyster Bar, and walk it off.
I just noticed online that my favorite Crayfish Enchilada source, MaryAnns on 8th Ave. has closed so that should help with the weight control until I remember delis and bagels.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint…it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the BS and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they
passed a rule that whenever the preacher’s family expanded, so would his
paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation
decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher’s salary.
There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman’s additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, “Children are a gift from God,” he said.
Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice
said, “Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we
wear rubbers.”
One for the ladies, Southerners, and the blondes. Just being fair.
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very
attractive blonde from Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the
dice. She said, “I hope you don’t mind but I feel much luckier when I play
topless.” With that, she stripped to the waist, rolled the dice and
yelled: “come on baby, a southern girl needs new clothes!” As the dice came to
a stop she jumped up and down, squealing “YES YES I WON I WON!” She
hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other, dumbfounded, and one of
them finally asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t
know, I thought you were watching.”
Moral: Not all southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb. But, all men are men.
Furniture Row Racing, the reigning Cup championship team, announced Tuesday it will cease operations after this season, citing a lack of necessary funding.
“This is not good for anybody,” said team owner Barney Visser in a statement. “The numbers just don’t add up. I would have to borrow money to continue as a competitive team and I’m not going to do that. This was obviously a painful decision to arrive at knowing how it will affect a number of quality and talented people.
“We’ve been aggressively seeking sponsorship to replace 5-hour ENERGY and to offset the rising costs of continuing a team alliance with Joe Gibbs Racing but haven’t had any success. I feel that it’s only proper to make the decision at this time to allow all team members to start seeking employment for next year. I strongly believe that all of our people have enhanced their careers by working at Furniture Row Racing.”
The move comes after primary sponsor 5-hour Energy announced in July that it would no longer remain in NASCAR after this season. 5-hour Energy is serving as co-primary sponsor of the team with Bass Pro Shops for 30 races this year. Furniture Row Racing was unable to find any income to replace what it would be losing.
This announcement comes as Martin Truex Jr. is third in the points after winning his first series title last season.
Truex, who joined Furniture Row Racing in 2014 as the driver of the No. 78 car, said: “While I am saddened by today’s announcement, I totally understand the decision. Barney Visser, Joe Garone and the entire Furniture Row Racing team took me in while my career was in a bad place, and together we reached the pinnacle of the sport. I will forever be grateful to each and every one of them, and also to Furniture Row, Denver Mattress and the Visser family.
“But make no mistake this is not the immediate end. We still have unfinished business to attend to and that’s to give everything we have to successfully defend our Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series championship. Right now that is foremost on my mind as it is with the entire team.”
With Furniture Row Racing leaving after this season, it will have a charter to sell. That will be among the more valuable charters. Cup charters guarantee a starting spot in each race but also a set amount of money per race. One portion of the team payments is based on performance in the past three years. Furniture Row Racing has made the playoffs each of the past two years and will again make the playoff this season.
WHAT?
Nobody wants to sponsor the championship winning Turdota team even with Mr. Nice Guy Martin Truex as the driver?
How could this be?
We were all told and sold that Turdota was so popular by NASCRAP?
Even when Furniture Row dumped Chevy for Turdota?
Well, even the owner of Furniture Row probably knew that was the only way to win it seeing that the sport was bought and rigged all the way for Turdota to get a Cup championship?
We all knew that this was going to happen, folks!
Bring in the foreign makes, PC garbage and the long time patriotic all American fans would all soon scatter and leave. I said it. Most of us here and online at other sites said it all along.
But the NASCRAP greed and corruption prevailed over the wishes of the fans, hence the exodus of the fans and their money.
But King Brian, you believed that the corporate money that you had wantonly whored your sport out for was going to carry you on forever would be better? You gave them what they wanted (PC garbage that alienated the rural blue collar fans) and ignored the existing long time fan’s likes? And that corporate money would be more than all of the money that your sport made from the past loyal fans who tuned in to watch, bought tickets and merchandise? Our money that you always took for granted as you arrogantly/carelessly pissed on all of the past favorite traditions and likes of the fans? Also this making the most popular drivers in the sport to suddenly leave as the money supply dried up?
More of what goes around comes around, BITCH!
You can take all your political correctness, diversity, corporate greed and cram it up your drug addled drunk driving ass!
I LOVE THE SMELL OF FAN/CONSUMER BACKLASH IN THE MORNING!
JUST LIKE NIKE IS NOW GETTING FOR CHOOSING KAEPERNICK!
If that were to happen as much as I would like to see him go back to Chevy, I think Gibbs has expressed interest. He may be too honorable to fit in at Gibbs could be a roadblock but money does move roadblocks.
I also meant to say I admire what Mr. Visser is sort of a throwback heroin many ways, not exactly a broke startup guy but still an independent owner who fought his way to a championship against big odds..
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter, “Want coffee.” The waiter
says, “Sure chief, coming right up.”
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns
and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts
of the animal to splatter everywhere.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the
waiter, “Want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Whoa, Tonto! We’re still cleaning
up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about anyway
The Indian smiles and proudly says,
“Training for upper management position
in United States Government:
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave a mess for
others to clean up, disappear for rest of day !!”
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their
bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room, “Why
are you down here at this time of night?.”
The husband looks up from his coffee, “I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?” he says solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive. “Yes, I do” she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. “Do you remember
when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”
“Yes, I remember” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues.”Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,
either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?”
“I remember that too” she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says… “I would have gotten out
today.”
Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What’s the biggest advantage of going back to ! school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. “What the ? ? ?” he said to himself as a little “dust” cloud appeared when he shook them out.
“April,” he hollered into the bathroom, “why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?”
She shot back: “It’s not talcum powder. It’s ‘Miracle Grow’
New Huuby ask wife if he can take a pic of her naked? Wifie ask hubby: Why ?? Hubby says: I wont to keep it next to my hart… Wifie says: OK, if I can have a naked pic of you also?…. Hubby asked wifie why? Wifie says: Have it enlarged……..
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol – Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup – Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil – Alive.
So the Minister! asked the congregation – What can you learn from this demonstration?
A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said, “As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!”
It sucks because Larson had totally dominated that entire race in his Chevy.
I had high hopes that he’d win it, so I didn’t watch the race on NOL because my watching the finish would jinx him.
What a rip off for Larson who finished 3rd. That last pit stop cost him the win so I’ve read?
Screw Kez. He’s won enough.
Larson deserved to win.
Larson continues to extend his lead, now more than 5 seconds over Hamling. Then Truex Logano Jones Byron KyBusch Keselowski Elliott and Harvick in the top 10.
33 laps complete.
By
A burglar broke into a house one night. He pointed his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
“Did you say that?” He hissed at the parrot.
“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”
“Moses,” replied the bird.
“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”
“The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus.”
LikeLike
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the
bedroom cupboard to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in
there already.
The little boy says, “Dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a football.”
Man – “That’s nice.”
Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”
Boy – “My dad’s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”
Boy -$250″
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in
the closet together.
Boy – “Dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have football boots.”
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy – “$750”
Man – “Sold.”
A few days later, the boy’s father says to the boy, “Grab your boots and
football, let’s go outside and have a game of soccer.
The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my ball and boots.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
Boy -“$1,000.”
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to
church and make you confess.”
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that again. You’re in my closet
now”
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A rancher goes to the bank to borrow money to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. The transaction is made and the banker who lent the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won’t even look at the cows. The banker suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.The next week the banker returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks very pleased: “The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor’s cows!””Wow,” says the banker, “what did the vet do to that bull?””Just gave him some pills,” replied the rancher.”What kind of pills?” asked the banker.”I don’t know, but they sort of taste like peppermint.”
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So Jamie McMurray is officially out of the One after this season and he has a Ganassi ride for the Daytona 500. I hate to see him out of the series because he is one of the good guys. I hope the stories about Krazy Kurt getting the One are wrong, he belongs at SHR or on the street,although if they reopened the insane asylums that would be a great fit.
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I guess a Kez win is better than a Toyota win. I read that Hampster has once again confirmed his stupidity in case anyone forgot.
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Oh also Allgaier won the Infinity race, good for JRM
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My thoughts exactly on it not being Dimmy Hamster and Turdota not winning today.
I still don’t like Kez.
Larson got screwed with the pit stops and cautions once again.
And congrats to Lil’ Gator and JRM for the 1-2 finishes!
Chevy did well at Indy, won the Xfinity and lead the most laps in both races I think!
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How To Install a Poor Man’s Security System
Go to a secondhand store. Buy a pair of men’s used work boots — a
really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of
“Guns and Ammo” magazine. Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dog
dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like:
“Bubba, big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition — back in ½ hr. Don’t disturb the pit bulls. They’ve just been dewormed.”
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A lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Dakota. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The lawyer responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I’m one of the best trial attorneys in California and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in North Dakota. We settle small disagreements like this with the North Dakota Three Kick Rule.”
The lawyer asked, “What’s that?”
The farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth. The barrister was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old coot. Now it’s my turn.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.”
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I AM A FATHER
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed
he had his collar on backward. The little boy asked why he wore his collar
that way.
The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.” The little boy replied,
“My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.”
The priest looked up from his book and answered: “I am the Father of many.”
The boy said, “My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls, and two grandchildren and he
doesn’t wear his collar that way.”
The priest, getting impatient, said, “I am the Father of hundreds” and went
back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while,
then leaned over and said, “Maybe you should wear your pants backward
instead of your collar.”
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The Brickyard 400 is rained out (as I knew it would).
The Cup and Xfinity races will both be run tomorrow back to back starting at 2:00 PM EDT still on NBCSN where most of us cannot watch it.
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Even though I probably wouldn’t have watched it I still think that sucks.
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Why parents drink
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,
he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a
child’s whisper. “Hello? ”
“Is your daddy home?” he asked.
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?”
The child whispered, ” No .”
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your
Mommy there?” ” Yes .”
“May I talk with her?” Again the small voice whispered, ” No .”
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked, “Is anybody else there?”
“Yes,” whispered the child, ” a policeman “.
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss
asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”
” No, he’s busy “, whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?”
” Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through
the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
” A helicopter ” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, ” The search team just landed a
helicopter .”
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are
they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle… ” ME
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I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with “Guess” on it. So I said, “Implants?” She hit me.
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Bet that was the same lady I encountered in the cow pasture next to the Golf course last week… both of us there, looking for a lost ball… I spotted a small white spot underneath one of the heifer’s tail. Upon checking closer, I realized it was not my ball, so, given she was a few yards away, politely i lift the cows tail and ask her:
“Hey Lady, Does this look like yours ?? ”
I had to go to club house to remove her 9 iron from around my neck
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Definition of Service
At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word “service.”
“It’s the act of doing things for other people.”
Then I heard these terms which reference the word SERVICE:
Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
City & County Public Service
Customer Service (My Favorite)
Service Stations
I became confused about the word “service.” This is not what I thought “service” meant.
Today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to “service” a few of his cows.
BAM! It all came into perspective.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I understand what all those “service” agencies are doing to us.
I hope you now are as enlightened as I am!
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A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday
afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl
coming from the other direction.
“Hello” said the little boy.
“Hi” replied the little girl.
“Where are you going”? asked the little boy.
“I’ve been to church this morning and I’m on my way home”, answered
the little girl.
“Me too”, replied the little boy. “I’m also on my
way home from church”.
“Which church do you go to?” asked the little boy.
“I go to the Baptist church back down the road” replied the little
girl. “What about you?”
“I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill”, replied
the little boy.
They discover that they are both going the same way so they decided
that they’d walk together.
They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially
flooded the road so there was no way that they could get across to the
other side without getting wet.
“If I get my new Sunday dress wet my Mother is going to
skin me alive” said the little girl.
“Yeah, my Mom will tan my hide if I get my new Sunday
suit wet”, replied the little boy.
“I tell you what I think I’ll do,” said the little girl. “I’m gonna pull
off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across”.
“That’s a good idea”, replied the little boy. “I’m going to do the same
thing with my suit”.
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without
getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting
to drip dry before putting their clothes back on when the little boy
finally remarked.
“You know, I never did realize before just how much
difference there really is between a Baptist and a Methodist
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A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without noticing his error, sent the email to the wrong address.
Meanwhile…somewhere in Houston… a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Date: Friday, October 13, 2004
Subject: I have Arrived!
Dearest Love:
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you.Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
PS …… Sure is hot down here!!
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So no practice,no qualifying,elimination race,Indy…..noted for lousy racing or lots of wrecks….do I smell catastrophe ? Why they wanted Indy to replace Richmond I do not comprehend.
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f I had to venture a guess beyond the prestige of Indy I would say the greedy fools were thinking seating capacity. I wonder if the owners will let them paint the seats so it won”t look so empty.
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The Xfinity race has been cancelled for today, moved to Monday.
The Cup practice is cancelled too.
The Cup race is supposed to start tomorrow at 1:00 but it won’t.
It will be rained out too. Forecast is 80% chance of rain and from another 2 to 3″ of rainfall.
I and a co-worker were thinking about going but we decided not to.
I also was watching an interview with Kez acting like he felt a bit sorry for beating Larson last week in the closing laps due to Larson having a bad pit stop. I think that he got booed and jeered by the fans for it by the ay that he talked?
We can thank NASCRAP for handing out yet more bad air guns to rig the races against the Chevy teams.
This “sport” is done. Stick a fork in it.
The fans and money are gone for good.
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NO CLUE WHATS GOING ON HERE BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN I CANT POST TO ADD A COMMENT… JUST POSTED YOUTUBE JIMMIE BUFFETS ” IT’S FIVE O’CLOCK SOMEWHERE” I DON’T SEE IT, THE LIST IS NOT UPDATED AND DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?????,,,,, NO FUN HERE
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Buckshot, remove the “s” out of the “https” of the URL and it will post.
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Thanks Rulez,,, I should know better…. i’m a dummy at times…..
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No, you’re not a dummy!
I post on several other websites and the “s” is for “secured” http format and it also prevents the youtube URL links from posting directly on those sites too.
That’s how I found out about the problem and how to get around it.
On this site it can work with or without the “s” at different times?
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Who you calling a dummy, we all have that problem at times. I didn’t know that trick Rules explained either, and although I have often been called a dummy I think it’s just that I overanalyze many things and come off as slow, except the ones where I shoot from the hip and are usually its the wrong thing to do.
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me……
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National Beer Lovers Day. This one is for Rulez and many others.
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I’ll drink to that! 😀
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Hit two happy hours tonight to celebrate !!!!!
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It’s always happy hour somewhere.
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MAYBE THIS WORKS…….. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfqtO88ZlBQ
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A guy is 71 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the
other day when he heard a voice say, “Pick me up.”
He looked around and couldn’t see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when
he heard the voice say again, “Pick me up.” He looked in the water and
there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, “Are you talking to me?”
The frog said, “Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I’ll
turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll make sure that
all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your
bride.”
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up
carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, “What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.”
He opened! his pocket, looked at the frog and said, “Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”
Later in life, this WILL bring a grin to your face.
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exactly……
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Grin to my face.
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Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School.
Usually, she slept through the class.
One day her teacher called on her while she was sleeping. “Tell me
Mary Margaret, who created the universe?”
When Mary Margaret didn’t stir, little Johnny who was her friend
sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
“God Almighty!” shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, “Very good!” and continued teaching her class.
A little later, the Nun asked Mary Margaret, “Who is our Lord and
savior?”
But Mary didn’t stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to
her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.
“Jesus Christ!!!” shouted Mary Margaret.
Again, the Nun said, “Very good!”
Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun then asked her a third question… “What did Eve say to Adam
after she had her twenty-third child?”
And once again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret
jumped up and shouted, “If you stick that damn thing in me one more
time, I’ll break it in half!”
The Nun fainted.
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Bert Reynolds passed away today: Burt Reynolds dies at 82
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That is too bad. It seems as though we are losing a lot of food people lately.
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GOOD people.
Learn to check before hitting send fat fingers get me often on this newfangled device
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Thanks.. i don’t feel totally out of step now…
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http://scontent.fric1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/41238398_1400505686750089_5112860744265760768_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=07b1f390b325fe99dbbab5cc08e9e06b&oe=5BEFA4A9
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A MUST SEE … currently on now on FXX channel (check local listing) … I was involved behind-the-scenes with ’13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi’ …
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didn’t mean to post that here, sorry my bad
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I found this while goofing around online, knowing that there are other George Carlin fans here I thought it would be fun to post. It is early, early George Carlin but you can see the early promise in him.
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Loved George Carlin.
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It is not only Nascar. Seems like the entire Motorsport industry is lost in space….
Who will you be supporting in Formula 1 next year? Well, if you’re a fan of Fernando Alonso, Kimi Raikkonen or Esteban Ocon, you might be looking elsewhere on Sunday afternoons.
With Alonso disgruntled and heading to IndyCar, Ferrari feeling Raikkonen (despite proving he’s still got the speed) is past his prime, and Ocon plain unlucky with how the 2019 seats are being filled as the music stops, that’s some talent pool (and fan base) that could vanish from the grid next year.
Compare that with another gloomy scenario in NASCAR, where the championship-winning Cup team of last year is closing its doors due to a lack of sponsorship dollars… It all seems unthinkable, yet it’s happening.
Charles Bradley, Global Editor in Chief
motorsport.com
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Formula One was never all that popular. Not as much as Indycar.
I’ve never heard of those drivers anyhow?
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National Cheese Pizza Day. I’m in.
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So many possibilities, so little time. Maybe a trip this fall Just for enough time to gain less than ten pounds, Nothing fancy some Little Italy time, the Grand CentralOyster Bar, and walk it off.
I just noticed online that my favorite Crayfish Enchilada source, MaryAnns on 8th Ave. has closed so that should help with the weight control until I remember delis and bagels.
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What Exactly is 100%?
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint…it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the BS and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
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The Back Pew
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they
passed a rule that whenever the preacher’s family expanded, so would his
paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation
decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher’s salary.
There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman’s additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, “Children are a gift from God,” he said.
Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice
said, “Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we
wear rubbers.”
And the congregation said, “Amen”
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Excellent.
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One for the ladies, Southerners, and the blondes. Just being fair.
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very
attractive blonde from Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the
dice. She said, “I hope you don’t mind but I feel much luckier when I play
topless.” With that, she stripped to the waist, rolled the dice and
yelled: “come on baby, a southern girl needs new clothes!” As the dice came to
a stop she jumped up and down, squealing “YES YES I WON I WON!” She
hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other, dumbfounded, and one of
them finally asked, “What did she roll?” The other answered, “I don’t
know, I thought you were watching.”
Moral: Not all southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb. But, all men are men.
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Tis true.
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If you have not seen it.
https://nascar.nbcsports.com/2018/09/04/furniture-row-racing-to-cease-operations-after-2018-season/
Furniture Row Racing, the reigning Cup championship team, announced Tuesday it will cease operations after this season, citing a lack of necessary funding.
“This is not good for anybody,” said team owner Barney Visser in a statement. “The numbers just don’t add up. I would have to borrow money to continue as a competitive team and I’m not going to do that. This was obviously a painful decision to arrive at knowing how it will affect a number of quality and talented people.
“We’ve been aggressively seeking sponsorship to replace 5-hour ENERGY and to offset the rising costs of continuing a team alliance with Joe Gibbs Racing but haven’t had any success. I feel that it’s only proper to make the decision at this time to allow all team members to start seeking employment for next year. I strongly believe that all of our people have enhanced their careers by working at Furniture Row Racing.”
The move comes after primary sponsor 5-hour Energy announced in July that it would no longer remain in NASCAR after this season. 5-hour Energy is serving as co-primary sponsor of the team with Bass Pro Shops for 30 races this year. Furniture Row Racing was unable to find any income to replace what it would be losing.
This announcement comes as Martin Truex Jr. is third in the points after winning his first series title last season.
Truex, who joined Furniture Row Racing in 2014 as the driver of the No. 78 car, said: “While I am saddened by today’s announcement, I totally understand the decision. Barney Visser, Joe Garone and the entire Furniture Row Racing team took me in while my career was in a bad place, and together we reached the pinnacle of the sport. I will forever be grateful to each and every one of them, and also to Furniture Row, Denver Mattress and the Visser family.
“But make no mistake this is not the immediate end. We still have unfinished business to attend to and that’s to give everything we have to successfully defend our Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series championship. Right now that is foremost on my mind as it is with the entire team.”
With Furniture Row Racing leaving after this season, it will have a charter to sell. That will be among the more valuable charters. Cup charters guarantee a starting spot in each race but also a set amount of money per race. One portion of the team payments is based on performance in the past three years. Furniture Row Racing has made the playoffs each of the past two years and will again make the playoff this season.
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WHAT?
Nobody wants to sponsor the championship winning Turdota team even with Mr. Nice Guy Martin Truex as the driver?
How could this be?
We were all told and sold that Turdota was so popular by NASCRAP?
Even when Furniture Row dumped Chevy for Turdota?
Well, even the owner of Furniture Row probably knew that was the only way to win it seeing that the sport was bought and rigged all the way for Turdota to get a Cup championship?
We all knew that this was going to happen, folks!
Bring in the foreign makes, PC garbage and the long time patriotic all American fans would all soon scatter and leave. I said it. Most of us here and online at other sites said it all along.
But the NASCRAP greed and corruption prevailed over the wishes of the fans, hence the exodus of the fans and their money.
But King Brian, you believed that the corporate money that you had wantonly whored your sport out for was going to carry you on forever would be better? You gave them what they wanted (PC garbage that alienated the rural blue collar fans) and ignored the existing long time fan’s likes? And that corporate money would be more than all of the money that your sport made from the past loyal fans who tuned in to watch, bought tickets and merchandise? Our money that you always took for granted as you arrogantly/carelessly pissed on all of the past favorite traditions and likes of the fans? Also this making the most popular drivers in the sport to suddenly leave as the money supply dried up?
More of what goes around comes around, BITCH!
You can take all your political correctness, diversity, corporate greed and cram it up your drug addled drunk driving ass!
I LOVE THE SMELL OF FAN/CONSUMER BACKLASH IN THE MORNING!
JUST LIKE NIKE IS NOW GETTING FOR CHOOSING KAEPERNICK!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
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WIth the #78 team shutting down where will Truex end up?
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If that were to happen as much as I would like to see him go back to Chevy, I think Gibbs has expressed interest. He may be too honorable to fit in at Gibbs could be a roadblock but money does move roadblocks.
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I also meant to say I admire what Mr. Visser is sort of a throwback heroin many ways, not exactly a broke startup guy but still an independent owner who fought his way to a championship against big odds..
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Gibbs would be a very bad fit for Truex because Gibbs prefers that his drivers be ginormous assholes and punks and hated by the majority of fans.
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SHR might have interest…..???
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Didn’t they just find someone to replace Krazy Kurt? I don’t pay a lot of attention to Fat T’s team I can’t stand him, Harvick or Boyer.
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An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter, “Want coffee.” The waiter
says, “Sure chief, coming right up.”
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns
and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts
of the animal to splatter everywhere.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the
waiter, “Want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Whoa, Tonto! We’re still cleaning
up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about anyway
The Indian smiles and proudly says,
“Training for upper management position
in United States Government:
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave a mess for
others to clean up, disappear for rest of day !!”
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EXCELLENT! 😀
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A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their
bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room, “Why
are you down here at this time of night?.”
The husband looks up from his coffee, “I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?” he says solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive. “Yes, I do” she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. “Do you remember
when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”
“Yes, I remember” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues.”Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,
either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?”
“I remember that too” she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says… “I would have gotten out
today.”
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A feel good/feel bad story. Sometimes that simplest things make me think.
https://biggeekdad.com/2015/12/the-hardest-working-man/
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Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What’s the biggest advantage of going back to ! school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
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One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. “What the ? ? ?” he said to himself as a little “dust” cloud appeared when he shook them out.
“April,” he hollered into the bathroom, “why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?”
She shot back: “It’s not talcum powder. It’s ‘Miracle Grow’
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New Huuby ask wife if he can take a pic of her naked? Wifie ask hubby: Why ?? Hubby says: I wont to keep it next to my hart… Wifie says: OK, if I can have a naked pic of you also?…. Hubby asked wifie why? Wifie says: Have it enlarged……..
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BTW …. that was the same hubby as in BBB joke above…. just saying
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A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol – Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup – Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil – Alive.
So the Minister! asked the congregation – What can you learn from this demonstration?
A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said, “As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!”
Don’t you just love little old ladies????
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So Kez mouthski won, at least is wasn’t a Turdoda on Cryin Harvick. Glad I watched the US Oprn.
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It sucks because Larson had totally dominated that entire race in his Chevy.
I had high hopes that he’d win it, so I didn’t watch the race on NOL because my watching the finish would jinx him.
What a rip off for Larson who finished 3rd. That last pit stop cost him the win so I’ve read?
Screw Kez. He’s won enough.
Larson deserved to win.
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.@KyleLarsonRacin captures the Stage 1 win at @TooToughToTame! #NASCARThrowback
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50 laps complete. Larson back in the lead with green flag stops complete.
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Larson continues to extend his lead, now more than 5 seconds over Hamling. Then Truex Logano Jones Byron KyBusch Keselowski Elliott and Harvick in the top 10.
33 laps complete.
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Why do I get the feeling Steve Letarte has never gone through puberty… a voice sounds like a little girl ….
sympathies to his wife….
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